Harley King

Much of the self-help literature stresses the importance of confidence.  When we make a decision, we should not look back.  We should not question ourselves.  We should not doubt ourselves.  We should act as if we have no fear.



Yet, self-doubt can be a good thing since it prevents us from becoming overconfident.  When people are overconfident, they make mistakes.  They assume too much and become reckless. Doubt gives us the opportunity to step back and reassess the situation — to make sure we are making the right decisions.  



Have you ever made a decision and then had second thoughts?  This is normal.  We often second-guess ourselves.  Most of the time our initial decision was the best one and we should move forward.  But occasionally, this moment of reassessment gives us the opportunity to change course and correct our mistake.



My wife and I spent our honeymoon in Acapulco, Mexico.  Since we were young with almost no money and I had only a part-time job, my parents paid for our trip.  One day a young man offered us a free dinner if we would attend a sales pitch about time shares.  We took him up on his offer.  Now, I am a sucker for a good sales pitch and I bought hook, line and sinker.  I signed the contract even though I did not have enough income to make the monthly payment.



Even before the ink was dry on the contract, doubt set in.  I knew I had made a mistake.  I could not afford the deal no matter how good it was.  People can read me like a book and I am sure the salesman could read the doubt and even fear on my face.  He made the mistake of telling me that if I was not satisfied, I could tear up the contract.  I didn't hesitate.  I tore up the contract and walked out of the room, not waiting for my wife.



My young bride was shocked and embarrassed by my behavior and she has not let me forget it in 42 years of marriage.  Of course, now we laugh about my cold feet and doubt.  Yet, I know I made the right decision.  Sometimes, doubt protects us from ourselves and our impulses.



Yes, self-confidence is important to success, but self-doubt is a lighthouse that will keep you from running aground.  Don't become shipwrecked on the rocks of time. Be willing to rethink your decisions and change course.

Harley King

Let me begin by saying that I cannot carry a tune.  The irony is that I have spent 25 years leading people in singing as part of a customer service workshop.  The music touched people's hearts and changed their lives.  



Singing has the power to soothe the savage beast that lives inside all of us.  Music will cheer you up when you are down.  Singing can lighten your load and free your soul from the burdens it carries.  Music communicates at a deeper level than mere words or pictures.



When I was in college and I felt down, I would walk the railroad tracks that ran through campus and sing to myself.  Singing cheered me up and helped me feel better about myself and the world.  I would sing then and often still do the first two lines from the old gospel song, Lonesome Valley.  I didn't know the lyrics to the entire song but these two lines stuck in my memory.



"You gotta walk that lonesome valley

You gotta walk it by yourself."



Here is Pete Seeger singing a version of that gospel song.

Often when I am alone and need to pick myself up, I sing the chorus to another gospel song, Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.  



"Swing low, sweet chariot,

Comin' for to carry me home

Swing low, sweet chariot,

Comin' for to carry me home"



Here is a version of the song sung by the Dublin Gospel Choir.

Harley King

Life is not simple and we are often faced with challenging decisions.  Do you take the easy path or the difficult one?  Do you make courageous decisions or safe ones?  Do you make decisions that build your character or corrupt it?



I am by nature a shy person and this has often led me to make safe decisions.  I don't approach strangers and strike up a conversation.  I don't go up to authors after a speech and introduce myself.  I have, though, made a choice in the work place to overcome my shyness. I will approach strangers and introduce myself as part of my job.



My wife, on the other hand, has never met a stranger.  She will strike up a conversation any place, any time, with people she does not know.  We attended an art fair recently and she spent time talking with artists, engaging them in conversation while I stood by listening and wishing I had that kind of courage.



I also will seek out the easy path, avoiding where possible the dangerous or difficult ones. When driving a car and needing to turn left across a busy street without a stoplight, I choose to turn right and find a driveway or parking lot I can turn around in.



And I often don't make the tough decisions when I disagree with a person.  I will choose not to state my opinion if it will cause friction with someone in a position of authority.



So what impact do these choices have on my character?  How have they helped to create the person I have become? I sometimes think of myself as lacking courage — of lacking a willingness to standup and be counted for something I believe in.  I keep my beliefs to myself and do not stir the waters.



What about you?  How have your choices created the person you are?  Have you been able to make the courageous decisions?

Harley King

I still remember the very first standing ovation that I received 26 years ago.  I had spent three hours speaking to a group of 250 managers.  I was surprised and elated.  I had connected with my audience and moved them to stand and applaud.  As a professional speaker, I have since received numerous standing ovations.  Each one was a powerful form of recognition and appreciation for a job well done.



We all need standing ovations.  We need the people in our lives to recognize and appreciate what we have done.  We need people to say thank you.  You have touched my life.  But we also need to give standing ovations to the people in our lives — to say thank you to a spouse, a child and a friend.  We need to develop an attitude of gratitude.



Most of us are not hermits, living alone, isolated from friends and family.  We need the help of others — including people we have never met — from the person who assembled your cell phone to the farmer who provided the food on your table.  Think how barren your life would be if there were not other people to fill it with laughter and hope.



Who in your life needs a standing ovation today?  Reach out and touch their lives.  Say thank you.  Tell them how much they mean to you.

 

Harley King

What do you do when you are faced with a water puddle blocking your path?  Do you walk around it?  Jump over it?  Or make a big splash?  As adults many of us have forgotten how to celebrate life and enjoy the gifts we are given.  A water puddle is something to be avoided so we don't get wet, muddy and cold.  As children we probably loved splashing our way through water puddles.  We enjoyed the moment.  As adults we must learn to find those moments again and enjoy them.



We often get caught up in the day-to-day struggle to survive — working hard to put a roof over our heads and food in the mouths of those we love — that we forget to enjoy the simple things like a sunrise or a rainbow or a water puddle.  Sometimes we feel that life is passing us by — that we are riding on the fast train to nowhere.  We need to climb down off the train occasionally and stomp through water puddles.



Life is filled with many blessings if we stop, look and listen — if we pay attention to the world of nature.  When was the last time you climbed a tree or went for a hike?  When was the last time you watched a butterfly flit from place to place, held a flower in your hand, or listened to a cricket chirp?  Life is filled with hope if we would only believe.  



Take time to celebrate life, to enjoy its blessings, and to live passionately because before you know it the journey will be over and the opportunity squandered.

Harley King

All human beings face suffering and pain in their lives.  Some of us are better at coping with our disappointments than others.  And for many of us time is the only healer. And in some cases even time does not heal — the pain still lingers.



Some are able to transform their pain and suffering into works of art.  Others remain trapped in an endlessly cycle of sorrow and disappointment.  As creative leaders we must find ways to mold our suffering into creative works that inspire others.  Pain can be a source of great beauty and hope.  Suffering can give birth to joy and happiness.



Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” 



We often dream of a world without pain, suffering and disappointment.  The pain inspires action and change.  Some of world's greatest creative leaders have used their pain and suffering to make changes in their lives and in the world.  



Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”



If we knew more about the pain and suffering of others, maybe we would be kinder and gentler towards them.  We often are so caught up in our own pain that we fail to see the suffering of others.  By embracing the suffering of others, we will be able to transform our own pain for the good of human beings.  Reach out today and hug someone who is suffering.

Harley King

Telling my personal story has often been difficult for me because my nature is to stick to the facts.  I was raised to believe in factual truth.  I have a bad habit of correcting my wife in front of people when she has the facts wrong.  And she lets me know it.  Old habits are hard to break.



It has taken me years to appreciate the importance of changing our stories in their re-telling — to understand the value of embellishing the facts.  Facts are not as important as meaning.  The truth resides deeper in our memories than facts.


Yet where does one draw the line? Reporters in recent times have been fired or forced to resign because they have played too loose with the facts.  And in some cases, reporters have fabricated the entire story.  Memoirists have been criticized and had their books pulled from the shelves because it was found that they fabricated some of their memories.



Do we violate the reader and writer bond when we embellish our stories?  The reader is expecting the truth and is upset to find the writer has altered the facts.  The trust is broken.  The reader feels betrayed.



Yet the great storytellers embellished their memories to make them entertaining.  Life as we live it has long stretches of boredom.  Life as we imagine it is full of adventure and romance.  Great writers understand this principle.  



Life as we know it is chaotic and without purpose. Imagination allows us to bring order and meaning to events.  Life is lived in the moment and only understood through creative reflection. Life is not as much about names, events and facts as it is about feelings, connections and dreams.  Life is about memory.  Cherish your creative memories.

May your memories grow in proportion 

to the richness of your creative spirit.