Isak Dinesen

In the last 25 years, the publishing world has sought to give us more and more memoirs — people sharing their stories of sorrow and pain. They have taken Dinesen's quote to heart. And there is a lot of truth here. We all tell our personal story — if not to others, at least to ourselves.  By sharing our stories we can begin to heal the pain and suffering we have experienced.



When my wife and I wrote our book on pet loss, we gave voice to the pain that pet lovers feel when their pet dies. We allowed people to tell their stories.  We heard the tears of people who felt they had lost a soul mate.  Some said the pain was worse than the death of a parent or a divorce.  Some were still crying ten to twelve years after the pet had died.  Sharing their stories helped some to bring closure and healing to a painful time in their lives.

One of the best salves for healing the pain and sorrow that we feel is writing. The process of putting our feelings, thoughts, and experiences down on paper will give us the opportunity to work through our pain and sorrow.


Unfortunately, some of us don’t feel we can write. We feel that writing is something for professionals with creative talents but not for us. Yet writing is one of the most powerful techniques we have for clarifying our feelings and working through our emotions. By opening ourselves up and expressing our pain and grief on paper, we will release the emotions that are suffocating and depressing us. Giving vent to our anger and pain through writing will help set us free.

What is your story? What sorrows darken your face? Have you put it in words? In pictures? In music? Healing comes with the sharing of our stories.

I want to share with you a process, that if you follow it, will help you share your story and begin to heal your wounds and help you to recover from your sorrow.

Twelve Guidelines for Telling Your Story 

1. Write for fifteen minutes every day. Discipline yourself to write even on those days you don’t feel like writing. 


2. Write in longhand with a pen or pencil. Do not use a computer. 


3. Begin either with the phrase “I remember’' or “I feel.” Whenever you run out of things to say, begin again with the phrase “I remember” and keep writing. 


4. Write without stopping for the full fifteen minutes. Keep your hand moving at all times. 


5. Write without thinking. Give free rein to your emotions and feelings. 


6. Feel free to say whatever you want. Don’t worry about what others will think. 


7. Be as specific as possible in your writing. Put in descriptive detail. 


8. Don’t try to be creative or cute. 


9. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar or what your English teacher taught you. You are not writing for a grade. 


10. It is okay to cry while you are writing. Keep writing through the tears. Don’t stop. 


11. Keep writing as long as you need. If you wish, you can expand your writing time to thirty minutes or an hour.


12. Initially, do not share your writing with others. They may not understand your expression of your pain or may be hurt by what you write.

Danny Kaye

We are in charge of our lives.  We make choices every day that lead us where we want to be.  Life is like a canvas and we are the artists of our lives.  We paint the person we want to be.  Or we paint the person we think we should be.  Or we paint the person we think others want us to be.    



Are you painting the life you want?  Have you chosen a large enough canvas?  Are you too stingy with the paint?  What color are you painting on the canvas of your life?  Blue?  Red?  Purple?  Are you painting flowers?  Or dirt?  Is the life you are painting happy?  Or sad?  Or anxious?



We tell our stories through what we paint on the canvas.  Others will know us by what we paint.  They will judge us by the colors we use or fail to use.  What stories are you telling?  Have you changed the facts to fit the story?  Or have you altered the story to fit the facts?  Are the pictures of your life filled with people?  Or animals?  Or is your life a landscape empty of people and animals?  Do you prefer the solitude of the mountains or the splashing of waves against the shore?



Are  you timid in how you approach life?  Or do you rush full speed ahead and ignore the red flags popping up every where?  Do you splash the paint on the canvas or do you make tiny delicate strokes with your brush?



Can you visualize your future?  Do you know what you want to paint on the canvas of your life?  Do you know what color you want your life to be?  Are you only painting the surfaces of your life?  Or are you exploring the depths of your soul?  If we look into your eyes, what will we see?  



Every day we pick up the paint brush and add a few strokes of paint to our self-portrait.  Is your self-portrait a true picture of who you are?  Or do you need to change the paint brushes that you are using?  Or do you need to use different colors that better reflect your character and inner beauty?  Are you painting the picture you want to paint?

Book Review - No Higher Honor by Condoleezza Rice

No Higher Honor: A Memoir of My Years in Washington by Condoleezza Rice

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



After listening to the audio book by Hillary Clinton on her experience as Secretary of State, I decided to follow it with No Higher Honor by Condoleezza Rice, her predecessor.  The books are in many ways very similar both in the telling and in the stories being told.  Like I was not a Clinton fan prior to reading her book, Hard Choices, I am not a George Bush fan either.  In fact, I have very negative views of his conduct of the wars during his administration, but I feel it is very important to keep an open mind and to listen to what they have to say.  One does not have to agree with someone to appreciate what he has to say.



Rice tells a very powerful story about her 8 years of experience in the Bush Administration as the National Security Advisor and the Secretary of State.  She was introduced to George W. by his father whom she had served under during his administration.  Rice consistently defends the George W. and his decisions.  His administration was deeply influenced by the 9/11 attacks on New York and Washington, D.C.  She discusses the fear that permeated the administration in the months and years that followed the attacks. The way the Administration saw the world was colored by that fear.  While Rice admits making mistakes in her positions, she does not voice any negative feelings toward George W.  She is less positive about Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld with whom she experienced major disagreements, although one has to read between the lines to gain a sense of the conflict.



Rice grew up in the segregated Birmingham, Alabama.  She tells the story of how one of her kindergarten friends was killed during the 1963 church bombing in Birmingham.



One of my favorite anecdotes was during a trip to Rome for the funeral of the pope.  She was sitting between George W. and Bill Clinton.  She said Bill talked all the time and George did not talk.  The story, I believe, is very telling about the differences between the two men.



Rice did her own recording of the book so one hears the story in her voice.  I would highly recommend the book to anyone interested in politics, history and the international world.  The book offers more of the story than one finds in the newspapers and on television.  And I would also recommend that one reads it in conjunction with Hillary Clinton's book on her experiences.  Hillary opens her book with the letter she received from Condoleezza.  A part of me wishes that Rice had chosen to run for President and that she and Hillary would have had an opportunity to campaign against each other.





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Helen Keller

During the first 35 years of my life I was more of a pessimist than an optimist.  I saw the glass as half empty, not half full.  I saw problems instead of opportunities.  I've had to learn the power of optimism and the need to see the glass as half full.  I had to learn how to discover the silver lining in the dark cloud.  



Even now as the second 35 years of my life draws to a close, I still struggle some days to see the glass as half full.  Often my first reaction is that something can not be done.  I have learned that I need to believe in myself before I can accomplish anything.  I need to find hope in a negative world.



Being a pessimist is much easier than being an optimist.  In almost any situation, it is easier to find the reasons something can not be done than to find the reasons that it can.  It is easier to be a negative person than a positive one.  



Pessimists believe that they are the realists and that optimists have their heads in the clouds.  The truth is that it is much harder to believe something can be achieved than it is to find fault with an idea.  It is much harder to be an optimist.  And research shows that optimists usually achieve more than pessimists.



As creative leaders, we need to have faith that what we create has value.  We need to believe in our ability to create something that can benefit others.  We need to have the faith to keep working when there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel.  



Is your glass half full or half empty?

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.  

Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."

— Helen Keller

Recommended Reading:  

Learned Optimism: How To Change Your Mind and Your Life 

by Martin E.P. Seligman

Doug Larson

My wife and I are opposites.  She loves to talk and I prefer to listen.  She and her sister sometimes talk simultaneously and neither seems to be listening to the other.  When my wife was interviewing people for our book, It's Okay to Cry, she discovered that she often talked while others were talking.  When she transcribed the audiotapes, she could not hear the other person because she was talking over him.  She learned a valuable lesson about listening.  I have also discovered that talking can energize me.  After giving a speech, I want to keep talking but there is no one to listen since everyone has fled.  Talking helps me to think through my problems and come to a better understanding of what is on my mind.

While talking can sometimes help us understand ourselves, listening helps us understand others. And by understanding others, we will better understand ourselves. If we listen to the words of others, they will teach us about life — both what to do and what not to do. 

When we spend our time talking, we become self-absorbed, caught up in our perceptions of the world, and unaware of those around us.  Listening allows us to step outside ourselves and see the world through the eyes of others.  Listening helps us grow and develop as compassionate individuals.

We probably learn more from the failures of others than we do from our successes. As writers, storytellers and artists, we need to understand other people — why they behave in the way they do.  What motivates them?  What drives them? The better we understand people, the more realistic and truthful our art will be.  

So take the time to listen to others and understand what makes them tick.  Your creative work will be stronger, wiser, and more engaging because of it.  

Henri Matisse

I have heard many wanna-be writers and artists say they are waiting to be inspired. They can only write or draw when inspiration strikes. Unfortunately, that is not the real world. If we wait for our muse to come, she may never arrive.  She is a fickle mistress who has her own agenda and cares not for our needs.

The key to finding your inspiration and to being creative is to work every day. Maybe it is for a half an hour or an hour, but one must do the work.  And when you least expect her, your muse will arrive wearing dancing shoes.  She will lead you into the heart of creativity and dance until your feet grow tired and your limbs ache.

And after your muse has left and gone to visit other lonely artists, don't throw your work away even if you feel that what you did was terrible. Let it sit and come back to it later and you will see it in a different light. Creativity is a process. It is messy and unorganized.  To produce great work, one must produce junk.  To achieve great work, one must fail again and again.    

Creative work is not easy.  Our conscious mind works against the spirit of creativity.  Our conscious mind attempts to distract us from the deep spiritual work by sending us to the refrigerator or demanding that we wash the clothes and vacuum the carpet.  We must be vigilant and not be deceived. 

May your muse fill your heart with joy 

and your soul with the spirit of creativity.

Ben Franklin

For many people learning stops after graduating from high school or college. They stop investing in themselves. While education will not cure all the world's problems, it will help us understand them and give us the skills to find the answers. 

I believe that reading is one of the most important ways of increasing one's knowledge.  I ask people when was the last time they read a book and many can't remember.  Some offer the excuse that they don't have the time between work and raising a family.  Others admit to not liking to read.

When I was a child growing up in the 1950s and 1960s, I had a more difficult time finding a good book than children do today.  In the farming community of 1800 where I grew up, there was a school library and a small community library.  The nearest bookstore was 25 miles away.  Yet, I was always able to find something to read even though my choices were limited.  Today, books are available in giant bookstores, through online bookstores, and in libraries. I can access and borrow books from libraries through out the state without leaving my home.  Books now come in several formats including the traditional printed books, audiobooks and ebooks.  And people have access to thousands of free books online.  Project Gutenberg offers over 49,000 free ebooks.

Learning, though, is not limited to books.  There are documentaries that teach us about the world in which we live as well as teach us new ideas and skills.  If you are a visual learner, like my wife, documentaries are a great way to learn new ideas.  And technology has now given us new ways to access this knowledge.  You can find documentaries on Netflix, Hulu and Youtube.

We can also find knowledge in seminars, workshops and lectures.  We can find workshops on many subjects from business topics to art, from cooking to writing, and from investing to storytelling.  TED Talks offers free lectures on many different topics.

We live in the information age.  There is an abundance of information.  I think if Ben Franklin suddenly appeared in our age that he would be amazed at the learning opportunities that people have.  Are you taking advantage of the plethora of knowledge at your finger tips?  When was the last time you learned a new skill? When was the last time you invested in yourself?

As creative leaders, we have a responsibility to invest in ourselves.  We need to grow and change.  We need to expand our knowledge base.  We need to find new ways of communicating our ideas.  Take the time today to invest in yourself.